My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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