Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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