he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Found your dick twin last night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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