I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
