So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
