so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
