Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
