I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
