My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize