okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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