Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
