somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
