He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
