I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
