He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
