im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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