Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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