You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
