booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
