everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
