So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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