Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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