I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
