Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
