I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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