You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
