Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
