I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
