i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize