Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
