how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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