where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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