He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
