Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
