so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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