we're blogging at a bar
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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