I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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