I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
