So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
