i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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