woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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