just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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