Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i now understand why vodka
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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