Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
