So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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