I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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