I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
