When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
