I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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