I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
