I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
