After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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