Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
