Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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